專家指點：一篇SAT作文修改與評點
SAT作文是SAT考試的一個重要組成部分，也是最為關鍵和最難的部分，它直接考查了學生對語言的運用能力。SAT作文的關鍵是運用大量的例證說明問題，而好的開頭和結尾同樣會為你掙得更高的分數。下面我們來看一篇學生的習作，老師對他的每一段多做了修改和點評，提出了很多寶貴的意見，大家可以參考一下。
Truth is not objective
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below:
Akira Kurosawas film masterpiece Rashomon portrays several people who have witnessed a death. As each observer recounts the event as he or she witnessed it, we come to realize that each persons story varies greatly from every other account. Watching the movie, we reflect that the truth of an experienceand perhaps all truthis different for each person.
Assignment: What is your opinion of the claim that truth is not objective, but rather is determined by each individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
習作修改
學生習作
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. However, is it possible that what we take in by eyes or ears, in another word, what we regard as truth, are not objective?
語言修改
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. Is it possible that what we see and hear, or what we regard as the truth, is not objective?
本段評點
這個開頭避免了許多習作簡單重復題目的缺點。而且舉出了法庭審訊這個場景，然后提出了一個問題，這兩個手段都能激發讀者閱讀的興趣，而且顯得與眾不同。
學生習作
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff took his departure after his eavesdropping Cathys dialogue with another woman. He heard part of the dialogue, in which Cathy appeared to be so vain that she regarded marriage with Heathcliff as adjective. From Heathcliffs angle, we truly recount the event as he did and feel sorry for him from bottom of our hearts. But look at the other side of the story: Cathy was expressing her love for him, despite their difference in social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we know that things differs from various vision angle.
語言修改
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff left after he heard Cathy speaking with another woman about her disdain toward marrying him. From Heathcliffs point of view, we truly feel sorry for him.
But from the other side of the coin, Cathy was actually expressing her love for him despite their different social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we can see that not everyone views things the same.
本段評點
這個例子與第一段要說明的問題稍稍有些偏差。作者要證明的論點是人們所見所聞的事實可能是客觀的嗎，而這個例子得出的結論是不同的角度看待問題得出的結果會是不一樣的。改后稿把最后一句改成從這個例子可以看出每個人對以同樣的眼光來看待事情，這樣說和論點貼得更近一些。
SAT作文是SAT考試的一個重要組成部分，也是最為關鍵和最難的部分，它直接考查了學生對語言的運用能力。SAT作文的關鍵是運用大量的例證說明問題，而好的開頭和結尾同樣會為你掙得更高的分數。下面我們來看一篇學生的習作，老師對他的每一段多做了修改和點評，提出了很多寶貴的意見，大家可以參考一下。
Truth is not objective
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and assignment below:
Akira Kurosawas film masterpiece Rashomon portrays several people who have witnessed a death. As each observer recounts the event as he or she witnessed it, we come to realize that each persons story varies greatly from every other account. Watching the movie, we reflect that the truth of an experienceand perhaps all truthis different for each person.
Assignment: What is your opinion of the claim that truth is not objective, but rather is determined by each individual? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.
習作修改
學生習作
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. However, is it possible that what we take in by eyes or ears, in another word, what we regard as truth, are not objective?
語言修改
Great confidence is often put into what people see or hear. In a court, a judge will listen to witnesses and regard their words as evidence. Is it possible that what we see and hear, or what we regard as the truth, is not objective?
本段評點
這個開頭避免了許多習作簡單重復題目的缺點。而且舉出了法庭審訊這個場景，然后提出了一個問題，這兩個手段都能激發讀者閱讀的興趣，而且顯得與眾不同。
學生習作
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff took his departure after his eavesdropping Cathys dialogue with another woman. He heard part of the dialogue, in which Cathy appeared to be so vain that she regarded marriage with Heathcliff as adjective. From Heathcliffs angle, we truly recount the event as he did and feel sorry for him from bottom of our hearts. But look at the other side of the story: Cathy was expressing her love for him, despite their difference in social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we know that things differs from various vision angle.
語言修改
This is a case concerning two characters, Heathcliff and Cathy, in the novel Wutherring Heights by Emily Bronte. Heathcliff left after he heard Cathy speaking with another woman about her disdain toward marrying him. From Heathcliffs point of view, we truly feel sorry for him.
But from the other side of the coin, Cathy was actually expressing her love for him despite their different social status. Here, we come to realize that Cathys love for him was real and deep. From this example we can see that not everyone views things the same.
本段評點
這個例子與第一段要說明的問題稍稍有些偏差。作者要證明的論點是人們所見所聞的事實可能是客觀的嗎，而這個例子得出的結論是不同的角度看待問題得出的結果會是不一樣的。改后稿把最后一句改成從這個例子可以看出每個人對以同樣的眼光來看待事情，這樣說和論點貼得更近一些。
