閨蜜對別人的態度很差,我該做些什么?
Q: My best friend is rude to other people when we're out - doesn't say please or thank you, doesn't tip, doesn't hold the door open for other people, doesn't care if she talks loudly on the phone in a crowd. I see other people reacting to her, and it makes me embarrassed to be around her. Should I say something?
問題：在外面的時候，閨蜜對別人的態度總是很粗魯--不會說請或謝謝、不給小費、不會為他人扶門、不會介意自己在人群中大聲打電話。看到其他人對她做出的反應，我不經感到尷尬。我是不是該說些什么？
You absolutely should let your friend know that you find her behaviours disrespectful to others and to you and it stresses you out. You have to set a boundary here: That when you are out together, a standard of manners must be upheld.
你當然應該讓你的朋友知道：她的行為對他人、對你都是一種不尊重，會讓你感到壓力。你必須劃定一條界限：當你們一起出門的時候，她必須要有禮貌。
That's not exactly something you can just toss easily into conversation, or it'll land like a bomb. So think about how you want to say it. Maybe start from a place of concern, and say something like, "Hey I just want to check in… is everything okay? I noticed at the restaurant you were really short fused with the server . . . Is anything up?"
這不是件可以輕松聊起的事，否則會像炸彈落地一樣，產生影響。所以，想想你該如何提及這件事。或許先談一件你所關心的，說一些類似"嗨，我只是想知道你一切都還好嗎？我注意到你在飯店的時候對服務員很不耐煩，出什么事了嗎？"之類的話。
Give your friend a chance to be reflective and self aware. See how she processes your question, and give her time to do so. If your impatient, she will likely feel attacked. The next step is letting your friend know how you felt in certain situations. Again, don't give 10 examples - just one is good.
讓你的朋友有反思、有自我意識的機會。看看她會如何處理你的問題，也給她一些時間。如果你十分不耐煩，那她會感覺受到了攻擊。下一步就是讓你的朋友知道你在特定情況下的感受。不要舉10個例子--一個就好。
If you are respectful and give her some space and she still gets defensive, then maybe it's a battle you need to rethink. I am curious what you have in common with this person, and what you enjoy about your time together. What are you getting from this friendship?
如果你尊重她，給了她一定的空間，但她還是辯稱自己的行為，那也許這是一場你需要重新思考的'戰斗'。我很好奇你和這個人的共同點，在一起的時候你又在享受什么？你從這段友誼中收獲了什么？
Because there is another option here: Life is short and if you don't feel good when with her maybe you need to assess whether this is someone you would like to invest your time and energy in. Perhaps I am missing a big piece here! Personally, I have always been a loyal type, someone who loves fiercely, and always wants to find ways to resolve issues.
因為還有另外一個選擇：人生苦短，如果你和她在一起的時候不開心，那也許你需要重新評估一番，你是否希望在這個人身上投入時間和精力？也許我對你們的感情不甚了解！我個人一直都是忠誠的朋友，我愛的熱烈，總會想方法解決問題。
Q: My best friend is rude to other people when we're out - doesn't say please or thank you, doesn't tip, doesn't hold the door open for other people, doesn't care if she talks loudly on the phone in a crowd. I see other people reacting to her, and it makes me embarrassed to be around her. Should I say something?
問題：在外面的時候，閨蜜對別人的態度總是很粗魯--不會說請或謝謝、不給小費、不會為他人扶門、不會介意自己在人群中大聲打電話。看到其他人對她做出的反應，我不經感到尷尬。我是不是該說些什么？
You absolutely should let your friend know that you find her behaviours disrespectful to others and to you and it stresses you out. You have to set a boundary here: That when you are out together, a standard of manners must be upheld.
你當然應該讓你的朋友知道：她的行為對他人、對你都是一種不尊重，會讓你感到壓力。你必須劃定一條界限：當你們一起出門的時候，她必須要有禮貌。
That's not exactly something you can just toss easily into conversation, or it'll land like a bomb. So think about how you want to say it. Maybe start from a place of concern, and say something like, "Hey I just want to check in… is everything okay? I noticed at the restaurant you were really short fused with the server . . . Is anything up?"
這不是件可以輕松聊起的事，否則會像炸彈落地一樣，產生影響。所以，想想你該如何提及這件事。或許先談一件你所關心的，說一些類似"嗨，我只是想知道你一切都還好嗎？我注意到你在飯店的時候對服務員很不耐煩，出什么事了嗎？"之類的話。
Give your friend a chance to be reflective and self aware. See how she processes your question, and give her time to do so. If your impatient, she will likely feel attacked. The next step is letting your friend know how you felt in certain situations. Again, don't give 10 examples - just one is good.
讓你的朋友有反思、有自我意識的機會。看看她會如何處理你的問題，也給她一些時間。如果你十分不耐煩，那她會感覺受到了攻擊。下一步就是讓你的朋友知道你在特定情況下的感受。不要舉10個例子--一個就好。
If you are respectful and give her some space and she still gets defensive, then maybe it's a battle you need to rethink. I am curious what you have in common with this person, and what you enjoy about your time together. What are you getting from this friendship?
如果你尊重她，給了她一定的空間，但她還是辯稱自己的行為，那也許這是一場你需要重新思考的'戰斗'。我很好奇你和這個人的共同點，在一起的時候你又在享受什么？你從這段友誼中收獲了什么？
Because there is another option here: Life is short and if you don't feel good when with her maybe you need to assess whether this is someone you would like to invest your time and energy in. Perhaps I am missing a big piece here! Personally, I have always been a loyal type, someone who loves fiercely, and always wants to find ways to resolve issues.
因為還有另外一個選擇：人生苦短，如果你和她在一起的時候不開心，那也許你需要重新評估一番，你是否希望在這個人身上投入時間和精力？也許我對你們的感情不甚了解！我個人一直都是忠誠的朋友，我愛的熱烈，總會想方法解決問題。
